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Friday, August 27, 2010

Los That Links 8-27-10: "Los That Ladies: Elin Edition"

Yes, there were better, more tasteful images of Elin Nordgren available on the internet. Trust me, I was looking far and wide for pictures of Tiger Woods' now ex-wife. This one, in my opinion, captured the essence of her moment at this point in time the best. She's young, attractive, scantily clad, and possibly letting out a little unwanted gas from her backside.

Just how I like 'em.

Most of the media coverage has missed the story when it comes to Elin and Tiger. Too much of the focus has been on the superstar athlete and his salacious affairs he had during his marriage to Nordgren. His mistress count was legendary, but for all of the wrong reasons, which made it hard to turn away. But, really, to anyone who knows anything about men with money, its nothing new.

Guys like Tiger, married or not, cheat on their women all the time. Back in my single days, I had my own little cottage industry, cozying up to women like Elin. Women in relationships with successful men who don't pay attention to them need love too. Far be it from "single-me" to deny them.

(Note: Play that game at your own risk. Karma is a shady b----.)

You cannot underestimate just how little effort is required to entertain women who really are good people, and in their heart-of-hearts don't want to be unfaithful, but ultimately know the truth about their relationship, and passive-aggressively are seeking retribution, passion, and attention all at once. All it really takes is remembering that God gave you two ears, and one mouth, so you spend twice as much time listening to them vent (every woman's favorite word) than talking about anything yourself. One "2-drink minimum" later (if that), you're in there like swimwear.

Which leads me back to Elin. She's single again, a sympathetic public figure, and, oh yeah, anywhere from $100-$400 million richer. Now, unlike most, I'm cynical enough to believe that she wasn't quite as innocent as she's been played up to be (not even mentioning her denial of any wrongdoing in the Thanksgiving incident). I imagine her to be far more calculating, like Catherine Zeta-Jones character in the Coen brother's 2003 "Intolerable Cruelty" (I worked for Blockbuster Video all through college, and watched way too many movies, so build a bridge, and get over it). In the movie, Zeta-Jones' character Marilyn Rexroth would seek out wealthy men whose "philandering would be transparent and public to the world", seduce and then marry them.

Then she would "cuckold" them (essentially, allowing the man to think that she's unaware of his cheating ways), until the time was right, then WHAM!

As she says in the film:"I've invested five good years of marriage...and I've nailed his a-- fair and square. Now I'm going to have it stuffed, mounted, and have my lady friends come over and throw darts at it."

Not suggesting that Elin is as diabolical as that. I just don't assume that she's a saint either. It's difficult to believe that she didn't have even the slightest hint that Tiger was hooking up with a Rachel and a Raychel, two Jaime's (her and her), a cougar, a Playboy bunny/hooker, a trailer park waitress (who, by the way, says Tiger hates condoms), two porn stars (her and her), and those are only the one's Google told me of. Either she's the most clueless housewife and mother that's ever been married to a multi-billionaire, or she knew something was up, and was biding her time.
Its almost a requirement that every guy she crosses paths with put their bid in. In the movie, that guy is George Clooney's character, her ex-husband's divorce lawyer who falls for her trap. Hilarity ensues.
In real life, that guy could be me, or you, or a particularly persuasive woman who's so inclined. She's on the rebound and the warpath at the same time. She's probably the hottest divorcee' on the market, and will remain that way until Beyonce' smartens up and leaves Joe Camel. I fail to see how anything Tiger Woods does on the golf course can be more interesting than following her around for, say, the next 3-4 years.

(Then again, there is a sexually frustated Tiger stalking golf courses across the country. Literally, and figuratively.)

1 comment:

  1. forgive my english : You could be right, Mr. marcusjnorris, but you could as well be wrong. And in that case, what you say is just montruous. Have you really seen the pictures of it ? Mrs Woods seems to be completely lost, needing her mother, needing to go away. She was probably shocked, because meanwhile she had probably had a normal marital life with Tiger who was having sex with plenty of low rate women without any condom protection. She is a very young mother and looked horrified, I can understand that and I hope, many men will be able to understand that, even if they still have that little industry the way you had. Having some mistresses seems to be normal for some men but still, they should just shut up. And be sufficiently discreet that their beloved one cannot be hurt. This is not really a sin for a man but it can break a entire family and I am sure that Tiger loved Elin and he loved his kids. He just needed to have sex and sex again. This divorce is really a sad one.