First Trimester NBA Power Rankings (Part 2)

Happy Kwanzaa!

Let's continue the first trimester NBA report card, this time looking at the upper crust of the league using Barkley-isms. Teams 30-17 can be found here.

"He [Kenny] said Yao Ming's gonna get 19 points. If he gets 19 points in a game, I'll kiss [Kenny's] ass."

16. Houston Rockets (14-15)

The Rockets have lost the services of Yao for this season, and in all likelihood, his career. Even if he manages to return from his latest ankle injury, it won't be with the Rockets. So Houston has been trotting out a starting lineup of Kyle Lowry, Kevin Martin, Shane Battier, Luis Scola, and Chuck Hayes, with Brad Miller, Jordan Hill, and Courtney Lee providing bench depth (Aaron Brooks has missed most of this season with an injury). Absolutely no star power can be found on this roster, yet they are competitive night in and night out. After starting out 3-10, the Rockets are 11-5 since Nov. 24.

(Conspiracy Theorist in me thinks that Yao's people, aka the Chinese government, would like him to play out his career in either NY, LA, or Miami. They have ordered him to sit down this year while the foot and ankle injuries recover, since it is the last year of his contract. You read it hear first.)

"You've got to believe in yourself. Hell, I believe I'm the best looking guy in the world, and I might be right."

15. Indiana Pacers (13-15)

14. Denver Nuggets (16-13)

13. Portland Trailblazers (15-15)

These three teams are as good, or bad, as they want to be, depending on the night. The Pacers score exactly as many points per game as they give up (97.8). Within reason, the Pacers are a playoff team in the Eastern Conference led by a reliable scorer (Danny Granger, 21 ppg), a solid big man (Roy Hibbert, 14 ppg, 8 rpg, and 2 bpg), and solid defense. They've struggled recently, losing six of their last ten games, and similar to the Rockets, they are a team built without a superstar at any position.

The Nuggets are mired in the Carmelo Anthony will-he-or-won't-he rumors, and that has had a direct correlation to their mediocre play. But when they want to, they can play like one of the NBA's top eight teams. Still, from all reports, Anthony is going to take his 24 ppg out of town, and as soon as that happens, look for the Nuggets to bottom out.

The Blazers can't score, rebound, or stay healthy. That last part is probably the biggest reason for their struggles. Former number one overall pick Greg Oden will miss the majority of a season for the third time of his career. Franchise player Brandon Roy all but needs to sit out this season. But they still win games. LaMarcus Aldridge has come one strong in December (20 ppg, 9 rpg for the month), and Wesley Matthews (19 ppg 48 percent shooting in December) is the best of the second tier NBA offseason acquisitions. Seriously.


"Poor white people and poor black people just don't know how much they have in common. Rich people don't give a damn about either group."

12. Atlanta Hawks (19-13)

11. New Orleans (18-12)

Be honest, you do not believe in either of these two teams. The Hawks paid Joe Johnson $119 million to keep him as the leader of a team going nowhere. I don't blame him for signing, but I doubt his 17 ppg and barely 40 percent shooting is ideal for a player making $16 million this year. They are relying on the formula of Johnson scoring, Josh Smith and Al Horford rebounding and defending (32 ppg, 18 rpg, 3 bpg combined), and Jamal Crawford as sixth man (14 ppg, 35 percent from three). But the formula includes letting Marvin Williams (11 ppg, 5 rpg) be completely average, and letting Jason Collins start at center.

The Hornets started the season 12-3, Chris Paul looked rejuvenated (16 ppg, 10 apg), and first year coach Monty Williams looked like Coach of the Year material. Since then the NBA has taken ownership of the team away from George Shinn, the team has gone 4-9, and there is declining optimism that Paul will not be forcing a trade to greener pastures.

"The only difference between a good shot and a bad shot is if it goes in or not."

10. Orlando Magic (18-12)

9. New York Knicks (18-12)

Two teams that as presently constructed (key word) will have no problem finding shots they like. The Magic are presently 19th in the NBA in scoring, but that will likely improve with the additions of Gilbert Arenas, Hedo Turkoglu, and Jason Richardson. Adding them to Dwight Howard in the middle of a career high scoring season (21 ppg), and points should come in bunches. After taking two post-trade losses, the Magic knocked off the two hottest teams in the NBA (Spurs and the Celtics), back-to-back.

The Knicks are the league's most lovable bandwagon team. Face it, if you're an NBA fan who doesn't like a high-scoring, winning team with a premier player (Amare Stoudemire 26 ppg, 9 rpg, 2 bpg) playing in New York, then you must hate life. They still aren't a viable title contender, but they can definitely play spoiler in the Eastern Conference playoffs. I asked via Twitter before the Knicks-Celtics game a couple weeks ago, "What if Amare had already changed the culture of NY basketball, and we just didn't realize it yet? What if he wins a title before Lebron?"

Not that it's bound to happen, but it's fascinating to think about.

"The main thing to do is relax and let your talent do the work."

8. Los Angeles Lakers (21-9)

This is a power ranking, not an end of the season ranking. The Lakers are still defending champs, but they are not playing well at all. Kobe Bryant looks a step slower. Pau Gasol looks overworked (39 mpg, only 17 ppg in December). Andrew Bynum looks overweight. Of course, there is little need to panic, because at the end of the day, they have the most talented roster in the Western Conference, and all their struggles can be attributed more to their interest in winning games, than the teams they're losing to being better.

Sometime between now and April, they'll decide to rev things up, and they'll "switch it on" like so many analyst are complaining about them doing. But as poorly as they've played, they are still number one in the Pacific, and if the playoffs started today, they'd be the third seed. Not exactly time to panic.

"Kids are great. That's one of the best things about our business, all the kids you get to meet."

7. Chicago Bulls (19-10)

6. Oklahoma City Thunder (21-10)

Two of the youngest teams in the league are performing among the most elite. The Bulls have battled injuries to Carlos Boozer and Joakim Noah, but Derrick Rose (24 ppg, 8 apg, 1 spg) has played MVP-caliber ball. First-year head coach Tom Thibideau has successfully brought his hard-nosed defensive philosophy from his days as a Celtics assistant over to the young Bulls, who are currently 9th in defense and 2nd in rebounding. The only thing keeping them from being a legit title contender is an elite two-guard teaming with Rose.

The Thunder in many ways are still riding the high from the first round Game 6 loss to the Lakers, but that's what happens when youth meets success early. They have the best under-25 roster in the NBA. Their two best players, Kevin Durant (28 ppg, 6 rpg) and Russell Westbrook (22 ppg, 8 apg) are arguably the best players at their positions in the division. They are coming on strong (10-3 in December), and will cause problems with their speed and length in the playoffs.

"Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train."

5. Utah Jazz (21-9)

4. Dallas Mavericks (23-5)

Both teams are great right now, and worthless come April. But this is right now, and that's how they'll be judged.

The Jazz are playing in the familiar roles of a Jerry Sloan basketball team. Deron Williams (22 ppg, 9.6 apg) plays the role of a beefed up John Stockton, while Al Jefferson and Paul Millsap combine to impersonate Karl Malone (32 ppg, 17 rpg combined). They've done a great job of coming from behind to win games against the Heat, Lakers, and Magic, and they've lost only two games to teams currently below .500.

Dallas is playing with the fire and intensity Laker fans were expecting to see in their team. But even that doesn't mean the Mavs early-season success will last. Dirk Nowitzki has played at an MVP level (24.5 ppg, 7.6 rpg, 39 percent from three), and Tyson Chandler's acquisition has been great for the team's defense and overall speed. Still, age (average starter: 31 years old) and injury are a big factor for this team, and moving forward it's hard to see how they won't be affected by both.

"I don't care what people think, people are stupid"

3. San Antonio Spurs (26-4)

2. Miami Heat (23-9)

1. Boston Celtics (23-5)

The Spurs are the 4th best scoring team in the NBA even though Tim Duncan is no longer an elite scorer. Aside from losing to the Clippers on the second night of a back-to-back, they haven't had a bad game this season.

After a rough start (10-8 at the end of November), the Heat have rallied to win 14 of their last 15 games, and boast the best defense in the NBA. Lebron James (25 ppg, 7 rpg, 7 apg), Dwyane Wade (23 ppg, 6 rpg, 4 apg), and Chris Bosh (18 ppg, 8 rpg) have been highly effective in their first year together, after about one month of learning to play off each other.

The Celtics are off to their typical fast start in the Kevin Garnett era. Each of the last four seasons, they were the best team in the NBA from October to January. They're playing the same stout defense (91 ppg allowed, 2nd in the NBA). But they also have age issues, and the injury bug has struck their most effective young player (Rajon Rondo, 13.8 apg, 2.4 spg). They are a lot deeper this year than they have been in the past with the additions of Shaquille O'Neal, Delonte West, and Jermaine O'Neal, so we'll see just how long they will be able to sustain this high level of play.

NBA Season Preview: Atlantic Division

This may be the final National Basketball Association season in the history of the world (Of the world, Craig!). With the players strike looming at the end of the season, and 2012 right around the corner (which will be the end of mankind), its safe to say few if any NBA seasons have been anticipated as eagerly as the 2010-11 is.

Major story lines abound: the Los Angeles Lakers attempting a three-peat, Lebron James looking to prove his "Decision" was the right one, Carmelo Anthony allowing La La to wear the pants in the house and force a trade to the New York Knicks, Kevin Durant possibly stealing the MVP award from Lebron by swaying voters with his world class talent and "aw-shucks" personality, the Boston Celtics using the Smokey from "Friday" approach (The older the berry, the sweeter the juice)... and those are the mainstream stories.

Can't forget these gems for true NBA junkies: the Utah Jazz trading for Karl Malone 2.0 (Al Jefferson) and teaming him with Deron Williams' Ceasar, Steve Nash playing with some guys from the Phoenix area YMCA adult league, Blake Griffin leading the Los Angeles Clippers to the eighth seed in the west, John Wall doing the "John Wall Dance" in front of a half empty crowd and an awkward looking Russian billionaire, Dwight Howard possibly learning an actual post move from Hakeem Olajuwan, Derrick Rose looking incredibly uncomfortable in those Adidas commercials with the Asian dude from "The Hangover"...

Most importantly, J.R. Smith, Chris Anderson, and Kenyon Martin forming some sort of neck tattoo Voltron in the middle of a game, and using their powers to stop a terrorist attack at the Pepsi Center.

(And the All-Star game is in Los Angeles too? Sheeeeeeeeeeet.)

Without any further delay (or lame jokes), lets preview the Atlantic Division. We'll do power rankings from leas to greatest. Short and sweet, Las Vegas odds to win the title will appear next to the team name. Gambling is still illegal, along with prostitution and marijuana. Act accordingly.

5.) Toronto Raptors 200 to 1

They will be terrible. PG Jose Calderon is serviceable, and Demar Derozan will make a few highlight dunks, but their starting small forward is Linus Kleiza, and they paid Amir Johnson $34 million when no one else would have given him half that amount. I will pick them to win one big game this season: Wednesday, Feb. 16 2011 at home against the Miami Heat. Dwyane Wade may miss the game with an injury or a custody hearing. There may even be an "incident".

4.) Philadelphia 76ers 100 to 1

Doug Collins is the head coach (red flag number 1). Number 2 overall pick Evan Turner is suffering from maturity issues (red flag number 2). Elton Brand's knee (red flag number 3). Philly fans tortured by a Phillies NLCS upset, and the Eagles eventual January folding, will take all their anger and apathy out on this admittedly mediocre team (red flag number 4).

3.) New Jersey Nets 125 to 1

The fact that I predict they'll be better than the 76ers and the Raptors should be cause for celebration in New Jersey. That will be quite the improvement from last year's 12-70 season. Avery (Ayyy-VOR-EE) Johnson will lean heavily on his guards (Devin Harris, Terrence Williams, Jordan Farmar, and Anthony Morrow) who would all combine to make one better than average NBA point guard. Troy Murphy will also be a compliment as a rebounder alongside Brook Lopez. I predict a not-to-shaby 32 wins.

2.) New York Knicks 50-1

Amare' Stoudemire and Raymond Felton will indeed make that big of a difference, and once the trade for Carmelo Anthony is finally done (it's gonna happen) don't be surprised when you see the Knicks in the second round of the playoffs.

And for the record, if you don't want this Carmelo-to-NY trade to happen, you're one of those parity-loving socialist, you have abandonment issues, and you generally suck the life out of all fun things. Your friends hate you, and your father is extremely disappointed in the decisions you've made in life.

1.) Boston Celtics 8-1

Facts are facts. The Celtics had a lead in the 4th quarter of Game 7 of the NBA Finals just four months ago. This offseason they added a fourth future Hall of Famer (a motivated and in-shape Shaquille O'Neal), another O'Neal (Jermaine) to bang bodies, and one bad yellow mother shut-yo-mouth (I'm just talking about Delonte West). Not only did they make smart free agent signings, but they drafted well (guard Avery Bradley from Texas and forward Luke Harangody from Notre Dame). The Celtics are primed to make yet another deep playoff run, possibly challenging talented guys from South Beach.

Got a Package For You

In the last twelve months, the sports world has been flooded with pictures of pro athlete's privates. Greek Olympic level nudity really. As fans, we're still trying to reconcile just how to feel about all this. Michaelangelo's "David" is considered high art, but Greg's "Oden" isn't held in such high regard.

The most recent athlete to be exposed literally and figuratively is his holiness, Brett Favre. Los That Sports Blog, Deadspin and others teased a story for a while now of him "sexting" with Jenn Sterger (not his wife), and now the pics have made their way to the public.

In my opinion, its full-frontal comedy. But then again, I'm a sick individual. I argued with friends that Gilbert Arenas' gun pulling incident was hilarious and didn't deserve any punishment (I still feel that way). Growing up, my three favorite athletes were Barry Bonds (steroid user/perjurer), Latrell Sprewell (coach choker), and Warren Moon (wife choker). I fail to see what Ron Artest has ever done in life that could be viewed as poor judgement.

(Also, I'm confident Michael Vick and Kevin Kolb smoke copious amounts of marijuana together, and I have given them the nickname "Cheech and Chong the Dog Killer". I'm strange.)

So when Favre, Shaquille O'Neal, Oden, George Hill, or whoever sends penis pics to their significant slut, and the slut turns around and shares it with the world (as is in their nature), who am I to deny myself laughter at their expense?

When Amare' Stoudemire is caught on camera barely needing the fingernail on his pinky to cover his junk, I'm gonna find the humor.

The funnier thing to me is the way the "lame stream" media ignores the story, and allows the bloggers to relay the information to the wanting public. Yes, the public wants to know when Brett Favre sends pics of his "Viking/Aztec Warrior" to women not named Mrs. Favre. Its kind of like a big deal.

Reporting it, conversing it, does not a homosexual make either. As far as I know, there's only one act in the world that would make a person one.

So laugh at their expense. As much time and money you spend on fantasy football, going to games, and your gambling habit where the only satisfaction you get relies on their performance, do you really think they aren't laughing at you?

Los That Links 8-26-10

No delay today. Let's get right to the links.

- Hide ya kids, hide ya wife! J.R. Smith is choking e'rbody! (www.yahoo.com)

- Rumor has it that Shaq is engaged to "Flavor of Love's" Hoopz. Signs it might be time to retire No. 194: proposing to Flava Flav's sloppy seconds. (www.yahoo.com)

- On a lighter note, how about a little suicide cover-up? (espn.go.com)

- Hey Doc, Ron Artest says stop yer b-tchin'. (www.slamonline.com)

- Elin says she didn't beat Tiger with a golf club. Straight face, and everything. (www.blackportsonline.com)

- Meanwhile, Tiger appears to have gotten his groove back just hours after finalizing his divorce.

- New USC Athletic Director, Pat Haden, says that if Reggie Bush had his soul, he'd return the Heisman. I say, yeah, but what do you need with a Heisman when you have the power to take other people's souls?

- The internet was created for the Chicago White Sox organization, family members, and friends, to take shots publicly at each other for our amusement. (sportsillustrated.cnn.com)

Moving Man

I'll start off by saying this; Shaquille O'Neal is an accomplished and highly decorated basketball player. Four-time champion, 3x NBA Finals MVP, league MVP in 2000, ROY, 15x all-star, 2x scoring champ, etc. Man of a thousand self-imposed nicknames. The guy has been very effective over the course of his career. He's also been entertaining, with everything from successful movies and endorsements to platinum selling rap albums. You can say he's been quite successful in his endeavors.

But if you look a little deeper into his basketball exploits Shaq's career has followed some interesting trends. It began early, back in his days with the Orlando Magic. Shaq's came into the NBA with a bang, putting up 23 & 14 a game. Although the team improved by 20 wins, they still missed the playoffs. In the off-season, Orlando swaps draft pick Chris Webber for Anfernee "Penny" Hardaway (remember him?). Shaq, Penny & co. lead the team to its first 50-win season before they get swept in the 1st round. In Shaq's 3rd season, Orlando wins 57 games makes it all the way to the NBA Finals. Flash forward to season 4 (w/ Shaq being out most of the season injured), the Magic win 60 games with Hardaway having a much larger role on offense (Penny averaged 27pts per game when Shaq was out). Shaq decides to jump ship and sign with the Los Angeles Lakers is 1996 (also the same year Kobe was drafted & traded for), leaving the rising star Hardaway and Orlando in the process.

Shaq's early years with the Lakers saw a lot of impressive stats, but also injuries. It also saw the talented & charismatic Kobe Bryant blossom into a superstar, and with the help of coach Phil Jackson the duo eventually led the Lakers to 3 straight championships. But of course, all was not well in paradise. With Kobe's game progressing MVP caliber, Shaq starts complaining that the young guard focuses too much on his own offense. The feud gets pretty nasty in the media and eventually leads to Shaq getting traded to the Miami Heat, where he joins another young, talented guard Dwyane Wade. Notice the trend yet...

While in Miami Shaq helps D-Wade lead the team to a ring and still takes shots at Kobe, even calling Wade the best player he's ever played with. Also as was the case in Orlando & Los Angeles, the young guard Wade comes into his own as one of the best players in the league while injuries and weight issues are causing Shaq's abilities to deteriorate. He's subsequently dealt to Phoenix (not the destination of his choice). Shaq plays somewhat effectively with the Suns before being dealt to the Cleveland Cavaliers and joining yet another superstar in G/F LeBron James. The Shaq experiment in Cleveland is a failure as the team loses to the Boston Celtics, with whom the 39-yr old "Big Nomad" just recently latched on with, claiming that he is focused on winning 2 more rings before he calls it quits.

Let's look a little deeper into these trends. Trend #1: No team can win with just Shaquille O'Neal carrying them. He does not possess the game changing ability of a Hakeem Olajuwon. He's more like a Patrick Ewing, who was good enough to almost do it but not enough to get a team over the edge. Shaq needs a great guard/wing player to get him the ball for him to be effective. Penny, Kobe, D-Wade, Steve Nash & LeBron to be exact. Hell, he even had Scott Skiles & Nick Van Exel at times. Not bad at all.

Trend #2: Until this last signing, Shaq always seemed to find a way of riding the coat tails of the best young perimeter players of that time, and once they begin to get more shine than him he's ready to jump ship. This didn't happen with James as Shaq only there for one season and James pulled his highly publicized free agency circus act. I'd be willing to bet that if Shaq hadn't already burned a bridge with Miami and Pat Riley he would have attempted to join the Heat's collection of veterans.

Shaq's signing with the Celtics proves a couple of things. He realizes that he is not the force he once was earlier in his career. Shaq turned down more money and a starting role to play a small backup role for the aging Celtics. Also, he lacks true loyalty. Even though he never experienced the full affect of the Lakers/Celtics rivalry first hand, I doubt any other Laker great would even consider signing with the "enemy". That's unheard of. How about this perspective; with all of the moving around and bridges Shaq has quietly burned, which team is going to retire his jersey once his career is finally in the books? Your guess is as good as mine.

One thing is true; Shaq is one of the most dominant players at any position in NBA history. He was an entertainment success off the court and a monster on it. I only wish he ended his career with a little dignity instead of prostituting his services off to anyone willing to throw some money his way. And if winning was the most important thing to him, he would have hung around LA a couple more years and kept that dynasty intact.

Just a thought. Have fun sitting the pine while Chicago & Miami run away with the East, "Big Sidekick".

-ALR

Los That Links 8-5-10

Good mawnin'. "Who is that picture of?" you ask. That is Canadian Football League wide receiver, Dave Stala. His image makes the lead because he did this very cool thing. If you do something cool like that, maybe you'll make the lead.

That's the theme for today's links. There's been a lot of things going on this summer that wear down the resolve of the average sports fan ("The Decision", Favre, A-Rod's 600th, etc.). Its important to remember why it is we follow sports in the first place.

So here we go. Los That Links Thursdays: Los That Awesome.

- The headline reads "Spider Man Outfielder Makes One of the Greatest Catches Ever".

- Evan Sellers and the kids at DcuStudios2 making trick shots. Is it real? Don't hate.

- Tim Tebow on the cover of NCAA Football 2011 or Tim Tebow highlights for Madden 11? What? That's not Madden 11? God, you're a hater.

- Okay, can I interest you in a REAL story on just how the Madden video game franchise became so powerful? Thought so.

- Stephen Colbert wishing Brett Favre a happy retirement. Probably motivated Favre's return. That' the power of the "Colbert Bump".

- Shaquille O'Neal in a Twitter beef with Jim Rome. Call him "Chris" Rome, I dare you.

- Shannon Brown is set to return to the Los Angeles Lakers. Brown is known for stuff like this.

- Basil Marceaux for Governor of Tennessee. Nothing to do with sports. Just funny, and real. I repeat, real.

Los That Links 8-4-10 (UPDATE)

Good morning! Let's get right to it, shall we?

Brett Favre News

- BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre apparently isn't as retired as we thought he was, according to ESPN's Ed Werder.

- Brett Favre retired yesterday, and America wept. But on the second day, has he arisen from the dead?

- Could the Favre retirement announcement really be a money play? Apparently he has 20 million reasons to reconsider.

- Steve Mariucci doesn't believe Favre is retiring.

- The Chicago Bears ain't buying the Favre retirement stories.

- How does all this Favre stuff impact Madden 11?

- How does all this Favre stuff impact Sidney Rice's fantasy numbers?

- How does all this Favre stuff impact the Viking stadium plans?

- Don't trip Viking fans, Tavaris Jackson got this.

Other news that Brett Favre gives you permission to discuss

- Detroit Lions sign their top pick, Ndamukong Suh, 5 years, $68 million, $40 million guaranteed.

- NBA releases 2010-11 schedule.

- Shaq to the Celtics.

- Alex Rodriguez will never hit a home-run again. Unless he does. (And he did)

- Slain former NBA player Lorenzen Wright's ex-wife isn't cooperating with police. Not a good look.

- Might Carmelo Anthony end up in New York? He's choosing free-agency over signing his extension.